Welcome to today's episode of the socially motivated podcast. I am your host Jake Walker. I want to personally thank you for tuning into this podcast. This podcast is to help motivate you to become more socially active in your daily life. In each episode, we discuss different topics on how changing your daily mindset can help improve your mental health.
Are you well known for being that shy, quiet, awkward person? If you suffer from depression, anxiety disorders, or just being an introvert and you want to find ways to overcome those conditions, Well, I was in the same situation as you not long ago, and I'm here to help share my advice and experiences on my journey to overcoming those invisible barriers.
Let's break you out of your comfort zone and get you to be more motivated to face all those social interactions we must face on a daily basis. So let's get started. On today's episode, we will be discussing breaking down social anxiety disorder versus shyness. Are they the same thing or are they different?
These two are very, very similar in terms of wording, but they are very different in terms of how we come about and understand if we suffer just from shyness or if we have the disorder of being socially anxious. Now, the crazy part about it is, is that most people. Love to just assume that if you are an introvert or if you suffer from social anxiety, you're just shy and quiet.
You're just that shy, quiet, awkward person. But the crazy part that no one ever thinks about is that you can be a very shy person, but you can also be the most extroverted outgoing. Bubbly person out there on the planet. That is mind blowing to think about. This is why I want to come up with this topic.
And this is why I really want to share this kind of topic with you because no one really covers it. You know, everyone says like, Oh, you're just shy. You're that quiet person. And you're just like, yeah, I'm an introvert. Yeah. I, I, I suffer from social anxiety. And that is not the reason, or I should say, that's not the specific reason why you are who you are when it comes to just being an introvert.
You are not just shy because Oh, this is who I am as an introvert, if you know what I mean. Now, this can be a very kind of wishy washy kind of topic because it's like, oh, if you are shy, then you have to suffer with, you know, being an introvert and being socially anxious. But there is some key differences that I would like to discuss with you to make sure that you understand what you might suffer from or That you might want to help a friend with or whatever.
So I'm going to try to break this down and not in a, not a really particular, like scientifical way. But into a way that you can understand or the average Joe like me can understand. So I'm going to start off with the social anxiety disorder and I'm going to kind of break that down first to kind of get you to understand the key differences And then I'll break down shyness.
So, social anxiety disorder, or also known as social phobia, which that terminology has kind of gone extinct because it's become politically correct and disturbing. So, the disorder involves discomfort around social interactions and concerns about being embarrassed and judged by others. The discomfort that people with social anxiety disorder experience It can be generalized to routine activities such as eating in front of people or using a public restroom around people.
People with social phobia desire social contact and want to participate in social interactions. Now this is different than just being an introvert. That's what I really want to make sure that people understand. I'm going to probably go over this in a different podcast episode. So, You know, wait until I can post that, but, but there are people with anxiety that can become unbearable to the point of drawing, you know, draining their social battery, their internal desire of, of wanting to be around, you know, the social interactions, but they just physically and mentally cannot get past that barrier.
Social anxiety can lead to isolation and other forms of absences of development. Or stagnation of social skills, which can intensify the core of what social anxiety is, which when you boil it all down to is having poor self esteem or lack of confidence in your own self, negative core beliefs about oneself.
Insufficient coping skills, you know, so on and so forth. Now, let's stop for a second and break down the difference between social anxiety and just being simply a shy person. Shyness and social anxiety are different, though they may seem very similar. Many people use the term Interchangeably, shyness is common and it refers to feeling uncomfortable in social bearing situations.
Often, if someone feels shy, they can still have enough to motivate themselves to perform when needed. Social anxiety, however, is an anxiety disorder that can affect someone's quality of life by causing them to be very overwhelmed with their surroundings and situation. The fundamental characteristics of being shy, or the shyness, which includes passiveness and limited eye contact, can be mistaken for insecurity, anxiety, or depression, but shyness is not necessarily a negative.
While some people have a strong
inconlation, inconlation? I can't even say that word. Work towards shyness. It's fairly typical to feel uncertain in these situations. The trait often emerges in childhood, some grow up. And some, their shyness dissipates as they get more comfortable in certain social situations. Shyness can turn into social anxiety if it causes someone to avoid, worry, or analyze social interactions routinely.
If someone feels anxious about the shyness, they may develop negative thoughts patterns about inferiority or incompetence. Over time, these thoughts patterns can trigger anxiety symptoms. Alright, so that kind of gets over the kind of, I guess you would say, scientifical research that I kind of did on this.
It's more or less I wanted to read that off to make sure that I got all, you know, all my information, but that should give you a good visual of what social anxiety is kind of compared to shyness. Now here is kind of where I want to show you the key differences between social anxiety disorder and shyness.
Shyness and social anxiety disorders are two different things. Shyness is. A personality trait. Many people who are shy do not have the negative emotions and feelings that accompany a person that might have social anxiety disorder. They live a normal life. They do not view shyness as a negative trait of themselves.
It's a lot of people call themselves shy. The only problem with that is people also have a strong need to be social in a, you know, in a social environment. And there are many different, um, styles, or I guess you would say there's different categories when it comes to being shy, so I'm going to kind of go over those with you right now.
So, the first one that I want to go off of is being shy secure. When people have this type of shyness, they have a certain level of social anxiety, and they don't want to participate in most social settings. If they have the opportunity to make small talk with unfamiliar people, they will, but only in a limited degree.
They aren't super interested in meeting new people, and when the opportunity presents themselves, they'll do it in a calm manner, in a more timid way. The second one is going to be shy withdrawal. These people are more anxious in social situations and shy, secure people. They focus on a potential of being rejected and judged by others around them.
The shy withdrawal type makes people question their abilities, experiences, And hesitant to speak or act because they fear they'll do the same or do the same or feel something wrong. They're also prone to loneliness because they don't want to be put themselves out there too far to where they can be significantly judged.
Now, the third one will be shy dependent. The type of shyness occurs when people want to socialize and improve their social skills but they don't put themselves first. Thanks for watching! The friendships don't last very long because the lack of, you know, attentiveness and don't speak up for themselves.
And the fourth one will be shy. Shy, conflicted people yearn for social interactions, but they feel anxious about them. They feel anxious anticipating of social interactions and go back and forth on whether they should withdraw or approach people. According to, you know, uh, a study, this type usually has the most problem and the hardest time overcoming these.
Now, to explain those a little better, um, I'm going to kind of give you a better idea of like what starts shyness in people. Shyness can start at a very young age and can result in themselves relying on their parents to navigate social situations. So, having your parents... You know, say something to the waiter or for them to order them something specifically at a table, if you know what I mean.
So shy children dependent on having someone else speak up for themselves and can impact their levels of shyness and social skills with adulthood or going into adulthood. Just say, here are the five causes of shyness to consider. Life experiences like being bullied, peer pressure, or other trauma. Fear of rejection, judgment, and failure.
Highly critical parents who have high standards. New changes to navigate like puberty or a new career. Parents who are shy themselves. Or parents that might be over extroverted and don't let their kids speak for themselves. Now, these, I wanted to kind of really share this type of knowledge with you, or I should say, type of topics because many people just assume that being shy is just this negative thing.
And they compare, you know, social anxiety and being an introvert to just being shy, which is completely not true. Um, like I said earlier, if you, you can be an extroverted person and you can also be shy at the same time. Now, shyness, for example, if you are the most extroverted, you know, say you're an extroverted female on the planet and you have been broken, diminished, and everything when you came to meeting guys, um, when it comes to finding, finding love or finding a relationship.
And they're going to be some females that have been gone through the ringer and have this shyness to them or this kind of timid approach to meeting new people specifically like guys. Because they don't want to get hurt again. That is not a negative against yourself. You are doing what you are naturally born to do, which is to yield and not just go full force into something to getting fully rejected or hurt.
You know, physically or emotionally, you know, when you really think back to, you know, prehistorical days, you know, when, you know, a tribe comes across an animal or comes across a different tribe that they have no idea what. It is. Instead of going full force and getting themselves completely hurt or devastated by this interaction, they slowly yield themselves to figuring out what is the pros and cons of interacting with this animal or interacting with this tribe.
Can they be dangerous? Can they hurt me? Are they friendly? So this is pretty, you know, pretty genetically manufactured of being shy. It is not just being, Oh, I'm have this, I love being introverted. So it's just like, Oh, I'm shy and I'm awkward. Shyness is way more than just being introverted. You know, shyness can be just as simple as.
You wanting to be cautious you wanting to yield so instead of being like that, you know how can I explain this better if you are if you have a child or if you have a younger sibling and They are the most ruthless You know when you think about it when you were younger or if you have a younger sibling They are the most boisterous people on the planet.
They will say Anything to everything. The most awkward stuff, the most personal stuff, they have zero filter. And over time in your childhood and over in your teenage years to adult years, you grow to have those filters. To where you don't overshare. To where you don't become this wild child, I guess you would say.
Shyness is what kind of creates the filter to where you are more of a reserved type of person. So shyness is not Going to be this hard bearing type of thing, you know, being like, Oh, I'm just, you know, how do you explain the differences is what this topic is really about. If you are a shy person and you're just like, how do I change that?
How do I make myself less shy? Understanding that shyness isn't really your problem. If you have social anxiety and you want to understand if, Oh, am I just shy or do I have social anxiety disorder? If you have social anxiety disorder, you are suffering from negative self talk. You are suffering from that voice inside your head, that secondary voice that says you're not good enough, that the negative self talk overwhelms you.
You know, when you go into social interactions, And you have your heart racing, you are sweating, profusely sweating, and you just cannot physically and mentally be in that situation. Then you pretty much suffer from social anxiety. If it's so overwhelming and you can't even go through the process of, you know, being around people, and it's so overwhelming to the point where you have to leave, to where you are literally just dying inside.
That you cannot talk to these people. You have zero idea of what you're going to say. You are overthinking galore and it is just affecting every bit of your daily life. So that is kind of where I want to kind of explain this. Is that shyness is not exclusively being. Introvert is not exclusively being, you know, socially, you know, having social anxiety disorder being shyness is literally the first step in being socially, you know, social anxiety disorder, or just being anxious, I guess you would call it.
So, you know, you're probably saying like, Jake, how do you fix this? Well, the thing is, is that most people, you're not going to ever really break your shyness. It's not just that easy. You know, that is naturally a very human, humane or humanistic trait that we all have developed over time. And it's a matter of how can you control it.
And how can you handle the situation, and is it really that overwhelming? If you have social anxiety, then yes, you do suffer from shyness. But understanding that it's not exclusive to being an introvert or social anxiety.
Shyness may be a personality trait that can't be changed, but people can practice things that can limit their shyness and make them more comfortable in social situations. Being more aware of shyness is a way to recognize when people need to become more comfortable in social settings. People can practice asking questions or plan what questions to ask before gathering.
They can also try to arrive early to places to help themselves get accommodated with their surroundings and the other, and the other, and the only early guests before socializing with everyone else. Um, another great thing would be deep breaths and being able to meditate, exercise to help relax the stress and anxiety that accumulate sinus inside their, their minds.
This helps the body relax and think clearly about the feelings and why. They feel that way with time, people can overcome shyness or ease their feelings a little better to make them a little more accommodated in those social said, yeah, situations and kind of Lastly, I want to go over a little bit of a kind of example that I've gone through in my life.
So I have had in countless times and countless encounters Of when people are just like, Oh, you know, Jake, why are you so shy? Or, you know, you just seem like a very shy, timid person. And, I always kind of wondered, like, what that really, truly meant. Because, I never, in, you know, I never intended myself to ever be this just shy, quiet person.
Everyone just assumes, like, oh, you know, he just loves to be by himself. Oh, he loves to just be, you know, this. Timid person that doesn't want to interact with people. It's really what comes down to when it came to understanding you know, do I suffer from just being shy or do I have social anxiety disorder and What I did find over time was that You know, I was being controlled by that, you know, little voice inside my head.
I extremely loved nothing more to just being able to interact with people. You know, I guess I hate to kind of put it in this way, but it's like, I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have that social interaction with people. I wanted to go out to bars and to have fun. I wanted to go out to, you know, football games, baseball games, and just.
Have the time of my life. You know, say all the jokes around people, being able to have conversation and text over the phone, you know, FaceTiming people. I wanted that so badly, but I had no idea how to get there. I had no idea how I was gonna ever get to that point, because my voice inside of my head was like, Hey you, you can't do this.
You can't do this. People are gonna hate you. You know, people are judging you. All this. You know, just bad stuff that you say to yourself, the negative self talk, the, the anxiety of being in those social situations. It was so easy to play it in my head, like this is so easy, but it could never go from inside my head to out on the, or out in real life.
So, that's what it kind of boiled down to when I was trying to figure out what was the cause of me not being able to be socially motivated to be out in the world, was I was suffering way more than just being shy, I didn't have any control over it, I didn't have any way of You know, getting out because it was overwhelming me to the point where I just kept myself away and out of the spotlight of people.
And it was very unbearable to the point where it was like, there's no way that it's just being shy. It is, you know, social anxiety disorder is very, very strong compared to being just shy. That will conclude today's episode. If you enjoy listening to this podcast and you have not done so yet, please leave a like, share, and subscribe and rating for this podcast so you never miss any future content.
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I wish you the best of luck on your journey to improving your mental health, if you, to help you have a happy, healthy life you've always wanted. I will catch y'all on the next episode.